My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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