WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
