i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When are your genitals available?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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