I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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