I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
