She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
