he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
