Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the condom got lost in my hair
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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