am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
