we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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