you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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