my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
