Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
