i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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