Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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