i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
