Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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