Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
