You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize