sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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