Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
