I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
