dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
