Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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