I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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