I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
