i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
