I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
