I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Houston, we have a blender
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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