what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
