i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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