Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
