omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
