a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
