oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
