i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
