Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
