Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
