I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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