it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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