Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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