Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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