what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
