I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
