I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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