My first STD was from a foam party
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
