toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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