Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
