In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
