Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
