i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
