I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
