Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
