I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
