this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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