3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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