I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
