if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
