He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
