i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
