then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
